“There once was a little black girl” who grew up to learn that life isn’t alwaysfair. You don’t necessarily get what you want or expect but if you look for the lesson, you may just get what you need with the justice scales balanced. Perspective matters immensely so check out this little story for your own enlightened “unveiling.”
Love. How many of us ever find real authentic love? I’ve experienced heart break just like ever other girl but I never had a problem meeting prospective love interests. My real problem was knowing what authentic love looked and felt like primary because I never saw it modeled in a healthy way nor did I even truly love myself. I also was not completely trUthful about my dreams, needs and expectations fearing the “bossy” label. Many in my tribe know that I am the original runaway bride (not a label I take pride in having multiple engagements and canceled weddings). Unfortunately, I would wait until the proposal, along with the engagement rings and wedding planning, to scrutinize my love interest according to my hidden “list” of expectations. My internal alarm bell would sound and all bets were off. I always gave back the engagement rings (all different and beautiful) out of guilt and the realization that I would lose in court based upon a Judge Judy episode. You can’t blame me for loving diamonds (Girl’s Best Friend) prompting me to momentarily think about keeping them …LOL.
After my last engagement, I finally stopped blaming the love interests and took a hard look at ME. I had to “unveil” my hidden triggers internalized about love, relationships and marriage. These beliefs and observations came from primarily my family indoctrination fraught with dysfunctional love dynamics and society’s love conquers all fantasy (Harlequin romance novels). Perhaps, I feared being trapped or being in an unloving or abusive relationship. So, I began a years long journey of self awareness and care leading me to a deeper and more profound love of self. I got very clear about my needs and expectations as well as reprogramming my beliefs so that I would become the kind of woman ready for love. During this time, I worked hard but I played just as hard in getting to know me (just like Julia Roberts in the movie Runaway Bride). I took classes to expand my interests including exercise, acting, art lessons, meditation, belly dancing, writing, etc. I went to art galleries and visited different cultural events to enrich my soul. I expanded my taste buds trying new restaurants everywhere and traveled alone to foreign countries to learn more about the world. I also examined and disconnected certain beliefs that made me not be absolutely trUthful when warranted. I became a vibrantly rich woman, not simply monetarily, but in terms of being spiritually alive and interesting with a loving heart. Singh, an Indian guru in my condo building, told me that my loving “energy” for self had become so powerful (unapologetically ME) that I would attract the right suitor by divine right.
My dating effort was born from this foundation. I call my dating catalogue, of potential suiters from this timeframe, my “Frog File”. Since I fundamentally believe love is indeed color blind, I became an “equal opportunity employer” in terms of dating different suiters of various ethnicities, occupations, physical appearance, personalities, socio-economic status, etc. Armed with my list of needs and expectations (assessment questions), I was technically interviewing people (and them me) to see if they met my criteria. No one came inside my home nor did I go to theirs. My plan called for an old fashioned screening process and courtship. Interestingly, I knew whether they met my standards by the 3rd date (if we even made it that far). Some suitors failed miserably (canceling dates at the last minute, drunkenness, rudeness, inappropriate sexual expectations, neediness, etc.) My mother and I had the most incredible discussions during this time because I sensed that she never put a high price tag on her “value” as young woman. It was this knowledge that led me to elevate my self worth to the point where I became surgical in my laser like focus on screening suitors like a trial attorney but with a smile (visualize vice presidential candidate Kamala Harris). There is a lot more to this story (Proverbs 2:11) but the main point is that we attract many different people into our lives. If you become very clear in intention, you might find someone made just right for you – – vibrating “energetically” on your level.
Be Bossy 4 Life