We dream of an ocean
Once bloomed in our hearts
The words are dead now
She haunts me apartShamRain – Passing Shadows
Change requires facing oneself or situations squarely – no excuses or denial of the facts or circumstances. This can be extremely difficult for any balanced person (mind, body and spirit) but it is especially challenging for the naive, faint of heart, dishonest or cowardly. Even if one attempts to maintain their inner “namaste” we are still human – – right? At times, we all have shadowy aspects and negative, low vibrational thoughts and feelings about ourselves and others (depending on situations, energy shifts etc) that make us feel shameful if openly expressed. We can think toxic sh!t but dare not do or say it out loud (LOL).
To my surprise, a recent encounter with a very important person in my life became the catalyst for this blog post today. It came unexpectedly after suppressing “dark” thoughts about my boundaries being violated and being triggered emotionally – – at least at that moment. WOW! I felt instantly sorry for my response but I meant e-v-e-r-y single w-o-r-d uttered. How can this be … Sway? Well, I felt sorry for hurting their feelings with my trUth. I am not a disrespectful person by nature but if severely pressed, there is another side of me that will vigorously defend myself and territory. Isn’t this trUe for most humans? The trUth that I spoke, however, was my honest assessment about the person via extensive observation and following the repeated treatment I had experienced with them. So listen …. I am totally responsible for my actions and will accept whatever consequence that arise but I did not lie about anything spoken. While there is some regret for my word usage, I have come to realize that unapologetic trUthfulness (good, bad or ugly) must be the cornerstone of all my relationships otherwise I do not want to be involved. (period) I call it acting with authenticity and integrity (even to the point of acknowledging and embracing my ugly in order to grow and transcend it).
It is funny how these moments of trUth can trigger enormous disappointment, shame and guilt at first along with sadness for the potential loss of a significant connection. Will it be permanent or temporary – – forgiveness with or without reconciliation? I suppose time will tell depending on the severity of the conflict and the type of trUth unveiled. Yet, I am grateful for even these moments which offer the opportunity for personal growth, CHANGE and understanding between people in fellowship. After all, isn’t it worth the effort to clear away rubbish, poison and misunderstandings if it will bring forth the antidote with NU, positive energy/clarity maybe for one or both of the parties involved? Or, would you rather continue being unawake, stuck or a slave to falsehoods and past familial, dysfunctional patterns and behaviors that no longer serve your highest good? You already know what my answer will be. Healing and redemption awaits as we hope to passover onto the other side.