THE RAVEN

This is by far one of my most favorite poems. I first read it in middle school with a very gifted English teacher who inspired my love for writing and poetry. I hope you enjoy this rendition of “The Raven.”

Feliz Halloween (aka All Saint’s Eve, All Hallow’s Eve, All Saints’ Day, All Souls’ Day, Día de los Muertos or whatever name you choose to call it depending on your country of origin).

N-V-R-O-E

Who is the deep voiced expressive MAN reading this poem? Bravo!

untitled

Photo by Andrew Coop on Unsplash

“Get your house in order!”

” I Vomit out the murder! “

 “My tears are flowing!”

 ” I am! “All knowing! “

 “The stench has passed the veil!”

 “Their blood is flowing!”

 “Begin the sowing!”

 ” Bring them to My Throne!”

Written By Suzanne Fitzgerald

Parental Boundary Enmeshment

Our personal familial indoctrination and dynamics will be quite different from person to person, family to family. Some will grow up in very nurturing, affirming and uncomplicated households. Many others were raised in unhealthy, traumatic environments by people who may have had emotional, mental, physical or even spiritual challenges. Both home environments offer versions of love – – whether healthy or toxic – – that provided the life giving breast milk willingly accepted by the innocents who were not able to differentiate or judge what they are being served or taught. Yet, all children are programmed from birth to cling and love the humans who assume the role as life givers, protectors and parental figures in their upbringing. It is wired in their DNA for survival until one day the innocents gain some clarity and discernment, through observation or experience, that everything is not always quite right.

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Are you your parents’ parent?

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This brief introduction sets the stage for discussing parental boundary enmeshment some of which is unhealthy for the development of children. It is very traumatic for any person to wake up one day and realize that your care giver(s) were imperfect in what they taught and how they treated you. In no way should this necessarily negate the love one has for them or gratitude but we are still faced with an important decision about what one chooses to remember, accept and embrace in the future.

Check out my definition of “enmeshment” in words matter.

One of the most difficult steps to personal healing is to take a hard look at your childhood. As adults, many of our first personal traumas happened when we were young. Some experiences may have been directed at US personally or indirectly creating a trauma bond triggering a fight to flight response in our brain’s amygdala. In order to process our actions and label the experiences, we assigned meanings to these traumas which ultimately influenced our development and the potential for “enmeshment” in relationships.

My childhood was fraught with many such events that made me fearful and accelerated my maturation process. I was “adultified” beginning at five years old because of the responsibilities placed upon me emotionally when I was even too young to understand or reject the role. This involved me caring and worrying about adult issues and a sibling at the expense of my own capabilities. Maybe my nerdy, sometimes withdrawn personality would have been quite different if I had been allowed to just be a child. Craving authentic love from care givers with mental and emotional disorders left me with a deep void and feeling of unworthiness, guilt for not being able to protect them and sadness.

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“You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem,  and smarter than you think.”

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Perhaps this post will resonate for some of you to take a step back in time to explore those events of the past. Your reason for doing so is not to blame people who were hurt or damaged themselves but to understand how you processed those old events/wounds and to see if they still impact you today. The most important step you will ever take is to strip away, layer by layer, the stories of your life, grabbing the inner child to show how she got some things wrong about herself, the people in her life and the actions that scarred her soul. I made peace with my inner child during these experiences with my adult self guiding me to trUthfully face every fear and regret one by one. Trust me … YOU will gain so much more respect for the small you who demonstrated such courage and strength of character during those sometimes difficult moments.

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Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

Your inner child is calling YOU home. 

So today I challenge you to embark upon a journey of self discovery to not blame anyone but simply understand YOU – – not a relationship partner, parent, sibling or friend etc. You might just find out some things about yourself or your family that requires healing. This realization will often prompt one to forgive, CHANGE and reprogram your perceptions of past traumatic events. Isn’t this really why we are all here anyway – – to learn and evolve as humans divinely created and guided? It’s time to come on back home to the past but this time in the spirit of self/SELF reconciliation (mind, body and spirit). 

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Dedicated to Dr. Francis Welsing, pioneer and agent provocateur, 
for speaking trUth and being an outstanding teacher. 

An Introduction

I don’t know politics but I know the names
Of those in power, and can repeat them like
Days of week, or names of months, beginning with Nehru.
I am Indian, very brown, born in Malabar,
I speak three languages, write in
Two, dream in one.
Don’t write in English, they said, English is
Not your mother-tongue. Why not leave
Me alone, critics, friends, visiting cousins,
Every one of you? Why not let me speak in

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Any language I like? The language I speak,
Becomes mine, its distortions, its queernesses
All mine, mine alone.
It is half English, half Indian, funny perhaps, but it is honest,
It is as human as I am human, don’t
You see? It voices my joys, my longings, my
Hopes, and it is useful to me as cawing
Is to crows or roaring to the lions, it
Is human speech, the speech of the mind that is
Here and not there, a mind that sees and hears and

.

Is aware. Not the deaf, blind speech
Of trees in storm or of monsoon clouds or of rain or the
Incoherent mutterings of the blazing
Funeral pyre. I was child, and later they
Told me I grew, for I became tall, my limbs
Swelled and one or two places sprouted hair.
When I asked for love, not knowing what else to ask
For, he drew a youth of sixteen into the
Bedroom and closed the door, He did not beat me
But my sad woman-body felt so beaten.
The weight of my breasts and womb crushed me.
I shrank Pitifully.
Then … I wore a shirt and my
Brother’s trousers, cut my hair short and ignored
My womanliness. Dress in sarees, be girl
Be wife, they said. Be embroiderer, be cook,
Be a quarreller with servants. Fit in. Oh,
Belong, cried the categorizers. Don’t sit
On walls or peep in through our lace-draped windows.
Be Amy, or be Kamala. Or, better
Still, be Madhavikutty. It is time to
Choose a name, a role. Don’t play pretending games.
Don’t play at schizophrenia or be a
Nympho. Don’t cry embarrassingly loud when
Jilted in love … I met a man, loved him. Call
Him not by any name, he is every man
Who wants. a woman, just as I am every
Woman who seeks love. In him . . . the hungry haste
Of rivers, in me . . . the oceans’ tireless
Waiting. Who are you, I ask each and everyone,
The answer is, it is I. Anywhere and,
Everywhere, I see the one who calls himself I
In this world, he is tightly packed like the
Sword in its sheath. It is I who drink lonely
Drinks at twelve, midnight, in hotels of strange towns,
It is I who laugh, it is I who make love
And then, feel shame, it is I who lie dying
With a rattle in my throat. I am sinner,
I am saint. I am the beloved and the
Betrayed. I have no joys that are not yours, no
Aches which are not yours. I too call myself I.

Written By Kamala Das

can we joke or naw?

Dave Chappelle is back on Netflix showcasing his comedic genius in “The Closer”.

Prolific comedian and agent provocateur, Dave Chappelle, has once agin found himself in hot water over his past and most recent jokes during his Neflix comedy special. The Closer represents his much anticipated final show for the streaming service. As usual, the out-spoken comedian covered a range of topics and made jokes about diverse populations representative of our modern culture (blacks, whites, gay, straight, politicians, Karens, etc.) Comedians have always held a special place within American culture being able to use their keen powers of observation and humor to expose and make light of “US” and themselves along with our specific behaviors, actions and proclivities that some might consider ironic, unusual, different or just plain old funny. With Chappelle’s comments about transgenders, however, some critics within the LBGQT+ community are calling for the cancellation of Chappelle and his most recent comedy special. 

Chappelle poked fun at the LGBTQ+ community directly but he also showed respect for their past struggles for equal rights (Stonewall riots) as well as shared details about his heart felt relationship with another transgender comedian. In the past, Chappelle made it known that he does not harbor hate or malice towards anyone that he jokes about (women, minorities or members of the LGBTQ+ tribe etc.) but he wants to keep the creative license to be an equal opportunity offender as a comedic artist. In a world of cancel culture, Chappelle has now entered an arena where our culture allows jokes about “some” but not “others” potentially threatening the individual who chooses to either venture into the waters intentionally or via ignorance. For the sake of this post, I will not repeat his jokes toward the LGBTQ+ community because the issue for me is much deeper than his specific words especially since some seem to be unwilling to allow market forces to determine whether an artist’s art is considered as such.

In response to The Closer, Netflix’s transgender employees staged a walk out outside its headquarters to protest the Chappelle special and following the firing of a fellow employee who leaked private information about how much Chapelle earned for the special to the public. Netflix CEO, Ted Sarandos, recently reiterated that Chappelle’s comedy special was indeed in line with the company’s stringent policy on harmful content and refused to remove it. He stated  that the content was age restricted already for language along with a disclaimer by Dave himself at the beginning of the show. Mr. Sarandos also stated that the inclusion of the special on Netflix was consistent with their comedy line up and with Chappelle’s comedy brand. In other words, you know what you’re getting if you choose to watch this show.

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Photo by Ana Cruz on Unsplash

Something’s been said!

“Transphobia is not a joke.We’re up against the emergence of hate economy. And there is this manipulation of
algorithmic science that distorts the way that we perceive ourselves and others. And I think that companies like Netflix,
Facebook, and Instagram, they play into it, and they monetize on it. And so I think that this is important to show up today.”

Ashlee Marie Preston – Netflix Walk Out Organizer


Versus Battle


“This boils down to equality, and if people want equality they need to be put on the same level as anybody else.
Comedians are equal opportunity destroyers. You can’t pick and choose who you’re going to make fun of.”


Gigi LaRoux – Transgender Chappelle Supporter

So what do I think about this controversy? I watched the comedy special twice –  once for my initial gut reaction and the second time looking for hurtful, inflammatory or vile content. I found things that I did not like including the use of the N-word but nothing related to the discussion about the LBGTQ+ community. My reasons are as follows:

We support Transgender Day of Remembrance 
11/20/21
  • While the LBGTQ+ long struggle and fight for equal rights is indeed quite real and continues today, Chappelle was balanced in his commentary offering both compliments and criticism based upon what he has observed. Perhaps, we can disagree about some of his personal comments related to what determines womanhood but we cannot deny that there is still room for discussion within our society. This tension is feeding ground for where comedy often originates. Transgender women are earning their props for being phenomenal members of the feminine tribe but their struggles to just BE are there too. Within this struggle is a discussion about biologically born women and the recognition due to them as well. There are simply some real reproductive experiences that biologically born females have that others will never have or be able to relate to in the physical. These issues need not cause a conflict between women (transgender or others) as long as a healthy dialogue of respect and understanding is allowed to exist. In no way should this negate the rights or freedoms of transgender women to be women.
  • Dave Chappelle is a a comedian representing a long legacy of the comedic G.O.A.T.S (Carlin, Pryor, Murphy, Mabley etc.) who poked fun at themselves as well as the broader society. The essence of good comedy, at least for me, is always trUth. Unless we are willing to perpetuate illusions, we have to be able to look at ourselves, see our common flaws and idiosyncrasies and perhaps laugh at our foolery and pain. Humanity itself is a miracle with lots of triggering nuanced experiences and actions. To be able to laugh at oneself is a great gift that comedians provide for “US” all to share. If the jokes aren’t funny, we, as a collective, have the POWER to not watch.

Photo by Vinicius “amnx” Amano on Unsplash

Can we find our common humanity 
and talk and jest with each other or naw?
  • Cancel culture has become very interesting. I aways associated cancelling someone or something to mean to exercise my freedom to not associate with that someone or something.  This often did not mean me deliberating trying to end the life, livelihood or opportunities for the other. Yet, today’s culture is very sensitive and selective with whom it cancels and to what degree the cancelling occurs. For example, unarmed black men have been killed with increased frequency during interactions with police yet we have not “cancelled” the police nor should we. Should we cancel people for simply saying something in jest that we do not like as some have proposed we do with Chappelle? Perhaps the crime does not fit the punishment in this case. We need to think about cancel culture again with some degree of maturity and prudence in order to make decisions about what warrants an ending, a slap on the wrist or even a good old fashioned scolding. After all, this country has built its reputation on freedom of speech and creative expression. Does this only apply to some and not “others”? If yes – – someone needs to release the memo for “US” all to review going forward.
  • My grandfather used to say, “A hit dog will holla.” I really like this idiom because there is some real trUth to it. As humans, we react to comments and situations that trigger some hurt, anger, guilt or shame etc. within our ego and psyche. People take things personally when they are lied about or not completely comfortable in their own skin. When you are confident, a joke is not going to destroy your world or make you want to destroy someone. Remember … Dave Chappelle is a comedian. If you have followed me in the past, then my response will not surprise you. Each of us has an obligation to heal any past trauma and reconstruct our thinking about self irrespective of what others might say or believe. For example, I didn’t like Chappelle’s use of the N-word throughout his comedy special but I was not offended or angry. It did not trigger me to my core even though I belong to the tribe. As the great writer, James Baldwin, would say, “I am not your N-word!” I do not self identify with the derogatory term. In my opinion, the LGBTQ+ community must stop looking for acceptance from the general public but still fight for self acceptance, equals rights, opportunities and protections under the law just like every other minority group in this country. They must live their trUth without being insulted by what others think, say or do. Learning to love your authentic self (good, bad and ugly) is a process but worth it. No one, including minorities, have 100% acceptance in this society nor should anyone expect it. Yet, we are all a part of this big diverse human, dysfunctional family – – uniquely beautiful and divinely created.

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Can we joke about “US” or naw?

I simply love transgender comedian Flame Monroe! She is insightful and  extremely funny. She also backs Dave Chappelle’s right to joke.

Transgender comedian and agent provocateur, Flame Monroe, summed up my final thoughts best of all. She said, “You can never please everyone, so STOP TRYIN’!” In other words, do you Boo! Chappelle is a comedian – a sort of community reporter talking sh!t about the triumphs and underbelly of our society. I respect him and any person who is willing to stand alone in their trUth but he should not be able to diminish who and what you are unless you allow him to do so. Either his jokes, gaffes or off-color remarks will be funny or not but YOU have the ultimate POWER to accept or reject his observations and humor. Isn’t this what America is all about – – freedom of speech and the pursuit of happiness? Or are we saying that we are incapable of taking a joke about “US” but is it ok for “others.” Let’s not forget that laughter is healing for the soul. Now think about how Blacks can still laugh at themselves and their culture after 400+ years of oppression. Trust me, I’ve learned from years of experience that what doesn’t kill you (injustice, jokes at one’s expense, racism, sexism etc. ) will indeed make you and your tribe better, wiser and much stronger than one could ever envision.

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Something’s been said Update

Dave Chappelle has agreed to sit down with transgender employees at Netflix
who staged a walkout near the company’s Los Angeles headquarters.

Updates: 10/26/21

10/27/21

Caitlyn Jenner@Caitlyn_Jenner

“Dave Chappelle is 100% right. This isn’t about the LGBTQ movement. It’s about woke cancel culture run amok, trying to silence free speech.

We must never yield or bow to those who wish to stop us from speaking our minds.”

Squid Game Lessons

This website, 3actunveiled.com, is dedicated to unveiling the issues inherently related to how we, the collective, have been indoctrinated by our educational, familial and societal systems. As a result, we often review universals life lessons connected to these systems especially those so often negated or rejected in our current culture. Today’s post is just a brief synapsis of those life lessons (based upon Biblical principles) shown and proven to be trUe over and over again throughout my journey in this school called life. The following verse provides the foundation for this post.

“The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun.”

Ecclesiastes 1:9 KJV

The Scream by Edvard Munch

Biblical Life lessons 

Can you hear them now?

You reap what you sow even if one cannot see the outcome immediately. The choices we make in life determine our future and there are always consequences. Both kindness and selfishness comes back to USeventually. Exhibiting love and compassion always pays back to not only the giver but the receiver assuming both parties do not have a hidden agenda or take for granted/advantage of the other.

Pride, greed and lust will get you caught up in situations you’ll regret later. Desperation brings out the worst in people and addictions (gambling, drugs, alcohol or sexual abuse) come with real consequences. Selfishness causes some people to take without giving back, to lie or manipulate without regard for outcomes and to hurt people who have been kind to them.

Money is not inherently evil but the love of it will cause some to make insensitive, hasty or tragic decisions. Money does not guarantee happiness, purpose, love or contentment either. Some rich people have so much money they get bored and feel entitled to treat those with less with indifference and contempt. Some even like to play god even for the sake of sport.

Individuals who do not have money sometimes resort to taking risky chances for obtaining it.  Their reasons for their decisions vary from desperation, addiction to greed but the consequences always follow. It’s a game of Russian roulette where one wins or loses but at what cost.

Photo by Vadim Bogulov on Unsplash

Squid Game Lessons

Glass Bridge*Tug Of War*The Squid Game*Red Light, Green Light*Honeycomb Candy*Red Light, Green Light.

It is more prudent to respond not react to situations as they unfold. Your initial emotional reaction tells a lot about your feelings but may not be the most accurate or appropriate response to any situation in the moment. There is a need to slow down your analysis to think about what is really happening. Using your brain can be a better asset than simply using brawn as well. Strategy and team work, when applied correctly, can be much better in some situations.

Be careful who you trust. The fact that trust is earned represents one of the most important and valuable life lessons. People will “unveil” their trUe character and ethics. For example, do they exploit the kindness or naïveté of “others” as a weakness? Are you solid (trUthful, integrity, values, real) or naw?

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Photo by Diane Picchiottino on Unsplash

Prison Life Lessons

Dedicated to a great teacher, Jay W., for all 
the prison stories containing much wisdom. 

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Character matters immensely. Who you really are inside and what you stand for will be revealed by your actions. No one is ALL good or bad but we have certain proclivities that tell a lot about who we claim to be especially when no one is looking. The Yin/Yang factor describes a duality where opposite forces are interconnected creating balance. Therefore, we are both good and bad depending on the circumstance with each choice “unveiling” the authentic US for ALL to see.

After every opportunity to demonstrate your character, positive or negative, there is always an important lesson to be learned. Redemption is possible. We can always CHANGE course if we do not like how our actions represent US. This important decision will impact not only your future but those around you.

There is still hope for humanity. Random acts of kindness and love are demonstrated by everyday people all the time (between family to family, friend to friend, neighbor to neighbor, prisoner to prisoner etc.). These beautiful earth angels perform good deeds in spite of self interest or outcomes even when sometimes life is harsh. They help to remind all of US that we are here for a much more profound purpose. And remember … there is no new thing under the sun indeed! 

Something’s been said!

The Squid Game, a Netflix series, has ignited a worldwide discussion with 142 million households who watched the program.


Universal life lessons are global and profound!

o

Updated 11/11/21

Listen to this deeper and very interesting analysis.

All That Falls

Do you love things that cascade?

Do you adore rain falling in sheets

or over the ledge, splashing clear joy?

Do you love velvet drapes plunging

into a royal red pile on the stage of life?

How about wisteria, how it drenches

spring in ribbons of lush lavender,

how the breathless beauty falls

through cracks, over fences,

how it softens the edges of anything?

Then there is the matter of the knees.

Slowly, willingly they descend

into the dark depths when all

is lost, or seems to be.

What falls calls you

unfastens you

opens you.

With time, lifts you.

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Written By Terri Crosby