I was intrigued by the word “provacateause” after reading a critic’s review of the 2017 documentary called “Bloodlight and Bami” about the legendary artist, Grace Jones. The word rolled off my tongue with both a “sweetness” and “sting” to the point where I started a blog entry without knowing what I would ultimately write about. All I knew is that it felt good to say the word. It was appropriately used to describe the essence and career of Ms. Jones. It also resonated with a part of me that is independently free thinking and rebellious which has served as the catalyst for launching this website. This blog entry has now morphed into a farewell salute to two great “agent provocateurs” in their own right (Ruth Bader Ginsberg aka RBG and Stanley Crouch).

The definition of a “provocateause” is a female provocateur – – a phenomenal, divine feminine packing a punch, breaking barriers and bringing order out of chaos. Grace Jones is most definitely one. Ruth Bader Ginsberg – – historical icon, warrior and feminist – – was absolutely another. As we remember and celebrate the life of the former Supreme Court Justice, we cannot forget her pivotal role as a woman in her full POWER with PURPOSE inducing and inciting a real change in this country. She constantly challenged America to live up to our founding father’s vision of creating a more “perfect union” especially one in which some of “US” were never considered during its formation. Her commitment to civil and women’s rights cannot be denied leaving behind an unforgettable legacy. ALL women benefited from her presence and voice as an advocate and rebel single handedly cutting through to the heart of any injustice. At 5 feet tall, she didn’t earn the name the “Notorious RBG” for nothing. In fact, the late east coast rapper, Biggie Smalls aka the original “Notorious BIG,” would most definitely give her the Brooklyn nod of approval for her fiery oratory and written legal retorts using clear, concise and cutting prose to make a point. The loss of RBG cannot be denied as our country’s justice scales are in a more precarious position. Ruth Bader Ginsberg did her part until her last breath and then some. It’s our turn now.

Agent provocateurs always come in different packages (writers, artists, lawyers, community activists, everyday people, etc.). RBG fulfilled her mission and so did Stanley Crouch, essayist and cultural and jazz critic, who died recently as well. He may not be as known to some as RBG but Crouch also packed a punch offering insightful commentary on cultural issues and America’s truly, authentic artistic invention – – Jazz music. It was the music and his passion for it that drew many of his fans to his writing. I got the opportunity to chat with Mr. Crouch following an introduction by a tribe member. I met him at one of my favorite bars on 8th Avenue in the Chelsea neighborhood of New York City. I can’t recall all the things we spoke about – – politics, entertainment, jazz, my budding consulting business, etc. – – but I do remember his intense gaze as he spoke. His eyes held  POWER and CLARITY that seemed to pierce my very soul while analyzing my responses and observations. There was nothing malicious or hidden about his intention just a desire to “unveil” my authentic identity and to determine how he could help or advise me. 

As I think about the legacy of both RBG and Mr. Crouch, I suspect they held the same intention of spirit – – desire to unveil authentic trUth – – in all their efforts. You couldn’t BS either if you wanted to so perhaps the “hard&black no chaser” approach was the only way to go. Today, I honor their contributions. I mourn the loss of their voice and insight especially now. Yet, I remain hopeful that the purest and highest vibrational intention of all Americans will rise and prevail in the long run. Humanity is neither all good or bad but embodies both energetically. What does it matter if the the essence of their opinions and voices aren’t expressed? There is so much at stake for us ALL and our country that what happens in 2020 (both the presidential election and the Supreme Court vacancy) will reflect a pivotal “awakening” for determining the future identity of the United States of America. Something critical is being said – – and it is pulsating much louder now with an indescribable, jazz rhythm! How will you answer?

Every human relationship has bumps and challenges along the way no matter how in sync people may be. From the outside, people can make assumptions or judgements based upon their own observations, experiences, or even based upon what you may choose to share. No one really knows what makes a relationship “click” especially a romantic partnership because it depends on the needs of each person. Whatever floats your boat may not float mine. People may have differences in terms of what is most important to them. Whatever makes you feel satisfied, secure and loved could be the compete opposite for someone else. Although everyone may think they know what is going on, it is really no body’s business to judge even though we all sometimes do including me. Should I tell you just how many times I’ve been judge, jury and executioner only to receive unexpected information or a sign proving that appearances can be deceiving? 

“There were times that I wanted to push Barack out of the window. And I say that because it’s like, you’ve got to know the feelings will be intense. But that doesn’t mean you quit.”

The Michelle Obama Podcast – September 7, 2020

Recently, former first lady Michelle Obama (friend in my head also known as MO), shared some unexpected info about our former president and her husband, #44 aka Barack Obama, during an interview with Conan O’Brien. MO unveiled some interesting details about her marriage on her podcast discussing the trials and tribulations of real, authentic marriages, relationships and love. Wow! Her candor never ceases to amaze and impress me. MO is hard&black y’all  – – for real. As a former resident of the southside of Chi-town, I know for a fact she would be a tribe member of 3actunveiled.com. Authentic. Vulnerable. TrUthful. Loving. No nonsense. I know MO in spirit. With one glance, she and I could communicate a lot between us (diagnose a situation and develop an initial plan of action within seconds – – not always high vibrational because we’re still human but .… LOL).

So, how does this connect to this blog post? Something has been said as it relates to our collective awakening about authentic relationship dynamics and expectations in general. If America’s former first family and couple can experience love challenges, we all know it can and does happen to each of us. Even actress Jada Pinkett-Smith has recently shed some explosive inside information about her marriage to movie star actor Will Smith on her “Red Table Talk” podcast. We all have to navigate these loving waters – – eventually – – trying to find the highest vibrational path towards our grandest destiny – – not just for ourselves but for the ones we claim to love. No outsider is in a position to make a decision – – whether to stay or go – – in someone’s partnership. With the universe’s guidance, however, the outcome will be in the the best interest of all parties involved. The proverbial 80/20 rule resonates for me which is the idea that if 80% of your partnership is good/solid, it just might be worth the effort. Yet, there is always that 20% leaving one to continually question the partnership or to make the decision to accept the short comings with a grain of salt. If the percentages are the opposite (80% unstable/bad, 20% good/solid), one may have some serious “splainin” to do and choices to consider – – or not. No matter what happens, it still remains no body’s business with the final outcome reflecting the loving energy in your heart space (what is most important to you, what you are willing to accept and how they make you feel).

Something has been said in America!

During the COVID-19 pandemic, a lot of America’s dirty little secrets have been “unveiled” for the world to see. Issues related to racism, sexism, religious hypocrisy, materialism, greed and narcissism have been exposed. I have been aware of the term narcissism for a long time after diagnosing a family member using my educational psychology book from college. I can distinctly remember telling a tribe member that the person had narcissistic personality disordered traits. America the beautiful is currently being governed by an individual, 45, with extremely high indicators pointing to this same personality disorder but he is not the only person in the country. This realization led me on a journey of really researching and understanding the narcissistic personality (characteristics, signs and impact on humanity). 

There are grandiose and covert narcissists (NARC) even though most people tend to only recognize the obviously arrogant individual. Both versions exhibit (men and women) an extreme sense of pride. Some speculate that martyrdom (more covert) is pride based on “overly giving” and narcissism (grandiose) is pride based on “overly taking”. Perhaps each description is the flip side of the same coin. They are often unconsciously drawn to each other in order for them to work out their issues. The American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5) defines Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) as comprising a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts. NPD individuals must also demonstrate the presence of at least 5 of the following 9 behaviors:

• A grandiose sense of self-importance
• A preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
• A belief that he or she is special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions
• A need for excessive admiration
• A sense of entitlement
• Interpersonally exploitive behavior
• A lack of empathy
• Envy of others or a belief that others are envious of him or her
• A demonstration of arrogant and haughty behaviors or attitudes

America seems to be been invaded by narcissists but how sway? Perhaps all of the indoctrination systems provided the breeding ground for the rise of this personality disorder. It was during the 1980’s that our societal indoctrination spewed the virtues of materialism and greed as good. Hollywood movies (“Wall Street”, “The Great Gatsby,”, “Scarface”, “The God Father Trilogy”) showcasing extreme wealth were glorified within our society culturally becoming aspirational for everyone even individuals from improvised communities. America has been the country where one’s destiny is not solely determined by fate or the caste system. Even if poor, this country has allowed some through handwork, energy and effort – – plus luck or grace – –  to grasp the fruits of wealth and opportunity available within its rich borders. Everyone grew up seeing the vast wealth being portrayed via the propaganda tv, sports and entertainment programming. We all hoped to live the “good life” filled with beautiful cribs (homes), cars, jewelry etc. accompanied with beautiful women and men. Perhaps some never questioned the legitimacy of these trappings of success as authentic indicators of real wealth. A tribe member used to say, “All that glitters isn’t gold”. Many people have now gained the wisdom that material wealth alone, even if it’s some form of “Fuchi Gucci”, is not a guarantee of trUe happiness in life.

Our familial indoctrination system provided the second breeding ground for narcissism allowing for the necessary traumas to wound our children in the right way to invalid their core selves. Most parents and caretakers do the very best they can but they also are the key folks who can do the most damage. In the familial indoctrination system, it appears that narcissists are both born and made. Most children arrive with some narcissistic traits. They don’t care about being politically correct in terms of their needs, wants and desires. Some children seemingly, however, develop a false sense of entitlement generated when their core self is invalidated by loved ones or they are over indulged (spoiled) to the point where they develop a false sense of superiority regardless of earning the status. Parents and guardians are given the responsibility of teaching empathy and compassion for others to their children. When this is not done in a heathy way via modeling or reinforcement, children try to make sense of themselves (identity and traumas) and their place in the world. Beneath the surface, they are wounded never completely being able to accept self, flaws and all, without the grandiose false mask guarding their deepest insecurities, doubt, fear and shame. Anyone threatening to “unveil” the real person will undoubtedly face the wrath of the narcissist.

The educational indoctrination system developed an environment where competition and the “win at all costs” ideology is enforced and encouraged. This mind programming happens systemically via constant testing, sports and other competitive extra curricular activities. To be #1 is the primary objective in every event. The imbedded lessons related to losing (achieving the #2 spot and beyond) are not generally explained. The pressure of winning makes some students anxious or vulnerable in making compromised moral or ethical choices just to win. In our modern day schools, teachers are also forced to give out awards to everyone in fear that it will make some students “sad” because they did not get the #1 spot. Failure to teach children about the realities of life (you won’t always be on top) is a missed opportunity to teach them how to self regulate their emotions. It is also a missed opportunity to enforce the idea of trUe, authentic self esteem. Everyone is fully aware of the rampant bullying epidemic taking place in schools prior to COVID-19 resulting in very serious consequences (school shootings and gun violence). Our inability to create a sacred space for all students to feel accepted regardless of outward success has contributed to this reality. Most of these troubled students have felt alienated for a range of reasons. Winning is awesome but losing is no less important in gaining a balanced understanding about life along with a healthy perspective about one’s own authentic value. 

Although I could delve further into the subject of narcissism (types of childhood traumas leading to the onset of narcissism or the horrendous impact on targeted victims), I would prefer that you investigate the subject more thoroughly on your own – – or not. I have encountered many narcissistic personality disordered individuals in both my private and pubic life. Each person left a lasting low vibrational impact and a valuable lesson for me about my own lack of self love and boundaries. One such person was an entitled entertainment executive who would lose his sh!t if his limousine was not in the exact spot he expected it to be (remember the movie “The Devil Wears Prada”). From my experience, it’s not the pseudo high confidence, entitlement, insincerity with ulterior motives or selfishness that is the most disturbing. For me, it’s their inability to self reflect and lack of personal empathy and accountability which is the most hideous and damaging to those they encounter. Most will go to great lengths to sabotage, lie or destroy anyone who attempts to hold them accountable for their actions or challenges their false sense of superiority. These NARCS are the real mask wearers, even before COVID-19, because you probably never knew who they really were until after they took something of value from you mentally, physically or spiritually or destroyed your reputation to smithereens. Ouch!

COVID-19 has presented a huge challenge for our country but there has been a sort of silver lining (ah ha moment) or “awakening” for some people. Narcissists everywhere are being exposed due to quarantine (forced isolation) and the lack of human supply (people to steal energy from). America’s commander in chief, 45, has definitely elevated this disorder’s profile into the collective consciousness and allowed us to question its appearance amongst our family, peers and friends. I must admit I’ve quietly done an analysis of those around me – – watching and checking off traits looking for the magical number of “yeses” before determining whether to exit right. Many Americans have also taken conscious acts of empathy to new heights with neighbor helping neighbor looking beyond age, gender, racial or sexual identity. We cannot forget the incredible commitment, work and sacrifices of all essential workers! For these reasons, I feel a huge empathy awakening within the heart of America. On the surface, things may look bleak with all the righteous protesting for equality but a new day is coming. Real trans-form-ation is never easy. We cannot think as children do. Hard work, energy and effort provide the core ingredients for systemic change but it may not happen in the blink of an eye as the justice scales need time to come into alignment.

We all carry some narcissistic traits even into adulthood. I envisioned my version of a glamorous life long before it ever materialized but I never placed more value on money or things over real love, humanity, other living beings, and my authentic self identify. Your career or job represents what you do not who you are at a soul level. The car you drive is not your authentic self any more than the clothes you wear. We can all appreciate beautiful and luxurious items and experiences yet they do not define a person’s core value. They are gifts and represent our external mask – – your outer signature calling card – –  indicating who you might be. The real you “unveils” itself by how you treat yourself and others. Our collective failure to acknowledge this point and holding it in higher status than materialism is perhaps one of the many indicators for how we got into our current position. Hard&black trUth is often really difficult to accept and triggering to most but it can ultimately lead to profound healing and freedom. As you think about this blog post, please try not to hate the messenger (LOL), hate the narcissistic game. 

Update 10-9-20: Narcissism exists on a continuum (normal, healthy, with a few narcissistic traits, to a pathological (clinical) full blown personality disorder on the other – narcissistic personality disorder – NPD). The level of narcissism can vary over time as a result of normal life events.

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders between 0.5 and 1 percent of the general population (50 to 75% are men) is diagnosed with NPD.

A 5.1 magnitude earthquake ripped through my home state in the US in August 2020. It was the strongest earthquake in more than a century with the last event happening in 1916. My neighbors responded with calls, tweets and posts to our community board while the local media reported the story. So, what did I do? I was lying in bed snuggling under the covers (head too… LOL) silently doing my morning ritual of prayer and giving gratitude. I did feel a slight nudging on my ankle as if I had been gently touched by someone but it never occurred to me that this was due to an earthly event. When I got up, I was totally surprised that an actual earthquake had happened. Some people seemed slightly shook about what had occurred but I could not stop smiling in awe. I felt complete joy with an unexplainable inner-peace. This may sound crazy since earthquakes are a natural phenomenon but I felt like I had been touched by the universe giving me a divine message. A call to ACTION had just been sounded and I received it with reverence. It was after this event that I had a range of ideas on what to do next in preparation for (____________) – – something important being said. Using chart paper, my preferred choice to outline next steps, I drafted my “death ground” plans and strategies based upon my INNER-knowing about potential events.

So why am I telling you all this? You never know what will trigger you to take action (crisis, challenge or something else). What have you been procrastinating to do? What is worth standing up or fighting for? Are you a warrior or passive in this game called life? It is this INNER-questioning or angst that brings out your trUe, authentic character and life purpose. I have never been one to close my eyes when obvious facts are staring me in the face preferring to look at hard&black trUth even if it hurts. And – – I have never blindly followed the crowd either. But, when the universe tells me to go or ACT, I will do what I am told.

This blog post may not be for some – – only my soul tribe who truly feel the energy will get it – – but it is time for ACTION y’all. Time to vote. Time for economic empowerment. Time for equality and justice for all. Time for personal and mental self improvement. Time for generational wealth. Time to build a world legacy worthy enough for children to thrive. We each have a different life purpose and mission. Our personal life path cannot be judged based upon anyone else’s journey. Perhaps, our main responsibility at this time is to honor the life force we’ve been given, learn from every life lesson and protect and love ourselves, other humans and the world’s gifts entrusted under our care. More than ever, I feel ready to be the change that is needed in the world. It will get better when enough humans commit the time, energy and effort to make it better. We cannot get stuck on the present. We must absorb the low vibrational pain, negativity and hate, and use our collective mind to re-imagine the future. We must create our NU world energetically before it happens.

In case you’re wondering, my closet tribe members trust my INNER-knowing about half the time (LOL). We’re still a team, not perfect, but we support each other and work well together in a crisis or if a challenge appears. If one of us says says zig, the other says zag. If this message resonates for you, think about what you’ve been called to do and take ACTION. My wake up call was a 5.1 earthquake. What do you need to awaken?

I recently had a discussion with a few tribe members about my decision to end a past toxic relationship. My tribe thought that perhaps me and this person could reconcile or reengage forging a future healthy bond. My reasons for ending the relationship are so extensive I could write a dissertation and still not provide the full list of offenses. Yet, I found myself explaining my decision again for the millionth time to those who love me and me them. It’s not like I “canceled” the relationship without just cause. Something seriously wrong had been said and done for a long time. It only ended when they “ghosted” (disappeared without explanation) forcing me to learn a valuable lesson about boundaries and authentic love.

We hear constantly in the media about some people being “canceled” for hidden or public behaviors, actions and comments that are in opposition, offensive or violate high moral or ethical standards. Cancel culture refers to the popular practice of withdrawing support for companies or public figures after they have said or or done something legally wrong or in the court of public opinion. The act of group shaming on social media is generally the preferred action taken when cancel culture is enacted. In today’s climate, you can be “cancelled” for a whole range of reasons including racist, homophobic, sexist etc. comments and actions (Nick Cannon, 45, Kevin Hart), sexual predatory behavior (#MeToo Movement offenders Harvey Weinstein, Matt Lauer, Bill Cosby, R. Kelly); hypocritical actions (Andrew Guillum, Jerry Farwell Jr. and wife Becky, Jessica Krug) or even“mean girl” tactics (just think of Ellen Degeneres and the recent staff – – non-celebrities – – comments about her behavior behind the scenes). The “canceling” phenomenon has spread in the public consciousness like a wild fire threatening to scorch anyone not being authentic in their trUth, living a high vibrational moral life or treating their fellow human with respect, love and kindness. In today’s social media culture, what was once “hidden” can and might be “seen” in real time on TikTok, Facebook, YouTube or some other social media source. What would the general public consensus be right now if video after video didn’t “unveil” the actual encounters between unarmed black men and some police officers or individuals seeking vigilante justice? How many innocent black people would be in jail if not for video footage showing the actions of American ‘Karens’ making false allegations?

If you really think about it, “cancel culture” has always existed. Most of us learn very young that you cannot do and say anything to anyone without consequences (at least we were once taught this fact). Even the First Amendment of the US Constitution (freedom of speech) will not protect you from consequences if one offends the wrong group. You may have the right to say or do something but you must also be prepared for push back and potential objections that could have a long lasting impact. Most modern societies establish cultural norms, expectations, moral and ethical standards and boundaries for its citizenry to adhere to with respect to how we treat each other, our communities and humanity in general. These standards also exist within families, friendships and romantic relationships. In this respect, “cancel culture” is a very serious thing outlining for humanity very specific expectations and consequences depending on the circumstances and platform. 

There are obvious offenses that might not require one to be “canceled.” A simple humble apology and repentance might be enough to garner forgiveness and reconciliation. Since humans are flawed, redemption is still possible. Many celebrities often go on “apology tours” after crossing a line of no return. Yet, there are other offenses that seemingly strike the soul of an individual, group or society warranting a stronger reaction and recompense (canceling). We almost intuitively know when the offense is worthy of “canceling” because to not send a message of objection might indicate moral or ethical agreement. We cannot as a society condone lying, bullying, harassment of any kind, rape, racism, sexism, homophobia etc. Are we willing to accept grabbing women by the p**ssy as 45 has so publicly stated (jokingly) on camera during an Access Hollywood interview?

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At this point in my blogging journey, I have advocated and provided you with my “hard&black” truth so I won’t deviate now. I can be the “cancel” Queen not because I like removing people from my life. It can actually be a very painful process and decision to move on from someone you’ve invested time, energy and love. I don’t take it lightly often teetering before making the final decision. It is a lot easier when there is little to no investment in the people, places or circumstances. I found out the hard way, however, that the longer you wait and accept the unacceptable, the more pain inflicted on oneself. Co-dependency and martyrdom are not indicators of authentic self love and ultimately says a lot about you and the value placed on your heart, mind, body and soul. For the record, I’ve gotten legitimately canceled due to my actions or non-actions but I have also been cancelled unfairly (misjudged and convicted). We should all be cautious about being judge, jury and executioner without conducting due diligence (investigating, vetting sources and gathering evidence about the offense and offender) and allowing for a day of reckoning or court hearing (opportunity to present and view evidence). Some actions can be clearly “seen” – – not hidden – – naked for all to view. Even where there is smoke (triggering or something makes you feel some kinda way), one still has to evaluate any offense to see if it warrants a stricter response. Subjectivity will definitely influence the outcome in most circumstances. All I can say is that the 2020 ME values authentic love above all else and has a lower tolerance for hurtful and manipulative people and bullsh*t. Haven’t you all reached this point too? As MO says, “It is what it is .…”