3ACTunveiled

Before You Attempt To Love Another …

My Umi Plays Spades

It feels like a long time ago since we stressed personal character as being the most important asset a person can possess on a more global level. We instilled these virtues in our children, including integrity and honesty, kindness, gratitude, compassion and a loving spirit. Somehow we have redefined these traits as antiquated or for religious purposes only. I fundamentally disagree with this position and believe these virtues represent the foundation for a healthy, fair and balanced society. They define our humanness and distinguish us as intelligent, relational beings. The historic educator, Mary McLeod Bethune’s quote about about a race being being measured by the character of its womanhood resonated with me as a young girl. It still does even today because women are the first teachers in any society. We set the foundation for future generations.

“The true measure of a race must be measured by the character of its womanhood.”
Mary McLeod Bethune

If you are operating in state of mental and emotional buckery (yes I really mean what you’re thinking) how do we prepare the next generation? Your past experiences and actions need not define your future life, but we must demonstrate authentic character in order to manifest our greatest self. We all reap what we’ve sown and attract what we truly believe about ourselves. If this doesn’t sound like the path you’re on, its never too late to walk in a different direction. But before you get there, you may have some “splainin” to do.

Some of us are fortunate enough to encounter truly unique elder women who possess genuine character in spades. They knew how to play the game called life, always holding the ultimate Ace card to win. For some reason unbeknownst to us, we might get selected from obscurity, and receive their mentorship, sponsorship, or even real friendship. I have been one of those girls who had this incredible opportunity with numerous women. “Shine, my daughter,” some would say. These individuals represented different ethnicities and served as bosses, advisers and confidants. I am a product of their energy, encompassing elements of their unique personalities and insight.

I am more than grateful. I revere and honor the commitment and willingness to share their lives with me, as I tried so desperately to become the best version of ME. They represented the most amazing examples of divine womanhood – – beautiful, intelligent, strong, caring, honorable, sophisticated, shrewd and wise. Some were vulnerable, and even surprisingly a little gangsta (don’t mess with Umi). To encompass even an inkling of what they had, in just one little finger, is a privilege.

Je t’aime Umi – Emma, Barbara, Essie, Jestene, Mildred, Marva, Jeannetta, Sandy, Maureen, Johnny, Sandra, Linda, Josephine, Dorothy, Elaine, Josephine, Christina, Enid, Georgiana, Karol and Pearl. You helped to ignite the fire in my belly.

Energy Transfer

I recently attended Oprah’s 2020 Vision Tour. Ms. Winfrey has definitely created an inspirational and magical experience for ALL attendees (regardless of race, age, gender, economic status, etc.) via this one event. One of the highlights of the day was hearing guest speaker, Leila Ali, daughter of the “Greatest of All Time” – – Muhammad Ali. While I can’t say that I ever really watched female boxing, I was genuinely impressed with Leila’s story and journey. She demonstrated some of the same character traits and talents possessed by her late father. Clearly, a transference of energy happened between father and daughter. Congrats to Ms. Leila Ali and her many accomplishments!

I must fan out now and also express my admiration for Leila’s father. I absolutely loved the masculinity of Muhammad Ali. Even as a child I had a girlish crush which probably makes him qualify as my first official “zaddy.” His brazen confidence, handsomeness, intelligence and wit, but mostly character, really impressed my young mind. He was even more prolific outside of the ring with the issues he stood up for and for which he ultimately bore the consequences. The man managed to fight for civil and human rights and still maintain his personal dignity with grace. He also handled his losses with incredible class along with a self deprecating, yet honest, humor. This, my friend, is the true definition of a divine MAN. Remember, earlier in another post I mentioned that my late grandfather always told me to choose a man (or person) based upon character. Looks will fade. Money will come and go. But a divine MAN has self respect, integrity, and a moral compass guiding his destiny. Even if he makes mistakes, which is guaranteed as a human being, he will take accountability and learn from them. A man like that will always be wealthy – – not necessarily with money or material possessions, but with purpose, respect, and a recognizable legacy. I would applaud him anywhere, anytime, anyplace.

So who are you going to seek out in partnerships? When I was younger I met a few individuals, even allowed one or two, to drag me to my deepest level of regret — into the sunken place. But there was always that quiet voice of spirit that would tell me to – – GET OUT – – and I would. I never blamed them entirely because I always knew that my behavior got me into the situation as well. I always sought out the lesson in the experience. We have a responsibility to assess our own character and judgement in relationships too. Hopefully, we all learn to identify and respect our needs and wants without being too critical of self. These relationship partners can be some of our greatest teachers.

Fortunately, I learned to value and love myself a little more. I always had a moral compass, but I often made the same typical mistakes we all can make in relationships. With divine instruction, I had to define who I wanted to become as a woman. I also became more discerning of what I was willing to accept and who I was willing to associate with – – PERIOD. This was somewhat easy for me because of my nerd tendencies, which made me more of an outcast anyway. Some individuals ran or ghosted me too. Even though I initially felt hurt over these experiences, I chased no one who didn’t see my value.

The bottom line is that self-discovery can often lead one to find divine relationship partners and soul tribes. I cannot tell you what they will look like or do for a living, but your spirit knows and will attract what the you need for growth. No human is ever perfect or without faults, not even the “Greatest of All Time” (both Laila and Muhammad were close tho), but the journey might lead you to people worthy of the magnificent YOU. Choose people, not just potential partners, based upon the content of their character — not simply looks, wealth, status etc. All of the these external representations of self are temporary illusions.

Here’s to Muhammed Ali! He created a wonderful example of powerful womanhood in Laila, and is still one of the greatest zaddies of all time, at least to me.

Unveiling Authentic Beauty

A member of my tribe shared an old college paper that was written in 1972. It completely blew our minds to find that the topic of beauty standards and authenticity was an issue even back then. Read the author’s thoughts. What does it say about how much we’ve changed as a collective?

Amazing.

The Empowered Women

The Empowered Woman, she moves through the world

with a sense of confidence and grace.

Her once reckless spirit now tempered by wisdom.

Quietly, yet firmly, she speaks her truth without doubt or hesitation and the life she leads is of her own creation.

She now understands what it means to live and let live.

How much to ask for herself and how much to give.

She has a strong, yet generous heart and the inner beauty she emanates truly sets her apart.

Like the mythical Phoenix,

she has risen from the ashes and soared to a new plane of existence,

unfettered by the things that once that posed such resistance.

Her senses now heightened, she sees everything so clearly.

She hears the wind rustling through the trees;

beckoning her to live the dreams she holds so dearly.

She feels the softness of her hands and muses at the strength that they possess.

Her needs and desires she has learned to express.

She has tasted bitter and savored the sweet fruits of life,

overcome adversity and pushed past heartache and strife.

And the one thing she never understood,

she now knows to be true,

it all begins and ends with you.

Written By Sonny Carroll

Love Quest

Love is an action word. You can feel when love is directed towards you, just like you can feel hate. Words alone mean very little if not backed up with action.

Love is color blind. Since race is an arbitrary construct designed to divide humanity, it does not have the power or authority to tell us who we should love.

Love is expansive, not limited and controlling. If you must control or dominate another person or situation, you are not acting in love.

Love is free. It must be given freely, not demanded, in order for it to be authentic with high vibrational energy.

Love is a divine gift. We know it when we see it in the faces, words, actions and reactions of our fellow man. It has the power to heal and connect us on a soul level.

Love is limitless. We are one nation under this universal, magnetic vibration called love. Not just for today but into eternity. Humanity must choose wisely.

All About Love – My Confession

Do I sound judgmental or preachy to you? Do I come across as if I know it all and have it all worked out? I’m prefect, right? If you have this perception – – I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you.

Now it is the time for me to spill the tea on a few things you need to know about me.

I went out into the world without a strong foundation of self love and acceptance and made many, many, many, many, many mistakes including choosing friends, navigating career choices, giving too much in relationships, etc. When you grow up seeing dysfunction, you can easily repeat the same patterns. My extended rural southern family was effected by traumatic life experiences and mental health issues including schizophrenia, severe depression, and narcissism as well as domestic violence and alcoholism. I wanted to save my family, or at the very least, not contribute to their struggles. Consequently, this is the beginning of my people pleasing ways. Assuming responsibility and accountability for adult emotional issues, resulted is a loss of childhood innocence very early. I felt a lot of guilt and shame because I could not save my family. Through it all, I became a student of human nature, and watched everything around me.

Being the authentic me was not even an option while wearing a false mask hiding my pain, shame, and disappointment. I grew up feeling like an orphan and learned to cope with my hurt emotions and abandonment issues alone. It was only when I removed my mask, that I courageously faced everything and became accountable for all of my past mistakes and behaviors. My shadow self appeared clearly. I healed by confronting and accepting my flaws, forgiving myself and others, and making a commitment to evolve into a better human. No more self deceit and lying, accepting less than what I deserved, self hate or altering my appearance to assimilate (being told that “you are pretty for a black girl, thank God she got good hair” taught me that there was something inherently wrong with ME being ME), or blaming anyone for my past mistakes or hurtful decisions against others. It all had to stop.

Are you afraid to remove your mask?
The hermit crab is stressed and vulnerable when it removes its shell.

I could tell you so much more in detail, and will later, but what is my overall point today.

I want you to know that I am not judging you, I am YOU. I had the same fears, shame, regret, and sorrows. I have made some of the same mistakes. I have seen, experienced, and understand much more than you’ll know. So you can’t hustle me on this game called life.

Who you trying to hustle?

I want better for you than what I had to experience and learn in my life’s journey.

I want you to know that you are worth far more than you know. Your true worth is divinely given from birth.

I want you to seek out self understanding and perhaps re-program your mind if you identify a belief or perception about yourself that does not serve your highest good.

I want to leave this world knowing that YOU have the opportunity to flourish sooner and even greater than me.

I want the next generation to finish the marathon completely free in mind, body and spirit.

It is not my job to tell you how, when, or if you will awaken. It is not my job to defend what might trigger or resonate for you. My only goal is to share my experiences and lessons so that perhaps girls like me might find something in these comments to help them to understand that she does need to hide her crazy. She needs to heal her crazy. Our physical, emotional and psychological needs as children are not optional but rather a divine necessity for healthy growth into womanhood.

Perhaps the circumstances and the people who raise us are not as equipped as we often hope. But I assure you, they have an important job to play in your life. The lessons they offer need not be your final fate. Use what you are given – – learn from it ALL – – reconfigure and take what you need to become the magnificent, divine YOU. I don’t know what that will look like for anyone but myself but your divine authentic self knows what is best for YOU.

Finally, faith, forgiveness, gratitude, and grace can take you a long way in your journey. All praises to my day one ride or die – – DS. Special thank you to everyone else who had a role in my life. You did what you were meant to do. I am grateful for your contributions and live with no regrets. All is forgiven (not forgotten). I have no desire to repeat certain lessons over again but you never know in this game called life. I am still a student.

So now if you still think I’m preachy, I truly understand and respect your decision. Perhaps you will feel a need to judge me and choose to discredit or attack the messenger (as countless others before you have done). I respect your decision on this choice as well. Either way, if you go out into the world motivated to be a better version of YOU, my mission is fulfilled.