I went on a long meditative, leisurely walk yesterday without my cell phone. To my surprise when I returned home, there were news reports stating that Kobe Bryant, the legendary Los Angeles Lakers basketball player, was killed in a helicopter accident. My heart instantly restricted from hurt as if someone had hit me directly in the chest. I was overcome with sadness for the loss of his life, his beautiful daughter, and the other passengers on the fateful helicopter ride.
Selfishly, I instantly thought about how life is not promised to anyone. I questioned the meaning of past beefs with people who may have hard feelings against me or with whom I may have had negative feelings. I knew in my soul that none of it mattered. In the moments that followed, I felt a release from within my body any last bit of negative emotions (low vibrational energy) towards those who hurt me. None of it mattered. I knew in my heart that I did not want anything bad to happen to them or anyone. I hoped that those I may have hurt would forgive me as well. None of it mattered. I prayed for them all – – especially for Kobe and everyone on the helicopter – – for my family, tribe, and myself.
So thank you, Black Mamba, for being a divine masculine teacher, a heart energy magician who caused humanity, even if just for a moment, to release our collective negative energy (the need to be right, to humble our powerful egos, etc), and force us to unveil the divine love inside that has always been there. We honor your talents, contributions, and sacrifice. We send heart felt love and our deepest prayers to all the families. We pay tribute to you, Gigi, and the other passengers and will embrace your essence into eternity.
In this country, we have been gifted with a free education through the public school system. In theory, children across the US attend a public school of their choice. There are even other school options available for parents who do not want to opt into the public school system including private voucher and charter schools. Since 1954, the landmark case, Brown v. Board of Education, was one of the cornerstones of the civil rights movement, and helped to establish the precedent that “separate-but-equal” education and other services were not, in fact, equal at all. Public schools were integrated and have been guided ever since by a fundamental principle to provide the same high quality, standard education for all children regardless of race, income, religion, disabilities, or geographical region etc. After 66 years, the above mentioned promise has not been completely fulfilled. Depending on what school your child attends will still determine the quality of their education. Hence, conscious parents actively research and fight for entrance into elementary schools they believe will benefit their child the most. We have accepted this strategy as the norm without questioning our national and local school infrastructure systems, its leadership, and how and where the money is spent.
This is a mistake in judgment. Perhaps we should take a fresh look at how the money flows to fund our schools to determine why our educational system is ranked 27th in the world. This ranking represents a huge decline from 1990 when the US was once ranked 6th. Many still believe the United States is the best in the world due to our citizenries ability to self actualize through hard work, energy and effort but choose to place the blame on the decline of our public education system exclusively on the diversity of the student body and its challenges, or on teachers who dedicate countless hours each year. Both assumptions may have a role to play but the issue is far more complex, or at least my assessment says so.
I want to follow the $$$. Why you ask? First, education is BIG, BIG, BIG business. Anytime there is BIG money, there is a potential for fat and corruption. The US educational funding system is a complex NETWORK with money coming from a variety of sources depending on the level and type of school. Most are aware that children can receive a free education through public schools but parents also now have other options including private voucher and charter schools, Montessori schools, and home schooling, etc. Most public school funding comes from three different sources (federal, state, and local governments via sales & income taxes, lotteries, private contributions,and property taxes). Each state contributes on average 12,000 per student each year accounting for the needs of its vast, diverse student population. Our financial commitment ranks very high as compared to other modern nations around the world. Has this financial commitment positively affected the quality of education for ALL children? So far, the answer is NO. As stated previously, the US is now ranked 27th in the world, a decline since the 90’s. Our public schools lag behind in basic mathematics, reading and science despite such huge expenses on public education.
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As mentioned previously, I have work experience in both the public and charter school systems. I am also a proud recipient and product of a stellar midwestern public education. At the time, I attended some of the best, high performing public schools available in my local community. My culturally diverse teachers were incredibly supportive and challenging. They were truly masterful in their ability to lead our diverse student body to strive and learn. Without my own parents involvement, many also became surrogate advisors and mentors who looked out for me by recognizing my talents and recommending me for opportunities to nurture my gifts. I can never repay them for their efforts. I also had no idea until recently just how difficult teaching was as a profession, and to truly appreciate their commitment and sacrifices. This is why I now must advocate for them all.
Here is where I also expose my limited background expertise, blind curiosity along with conspiracy theory tendencies. It is hard for me to understand why the financial commitment in today’s public education system has not produced consistent, high quality results. We can easily point to the diversity of our student population with ranging learning styles and needs as the core issue. Yes, this most definitely is a contributing factor. We can also point to the quality of teachers along with the training and resources needed to educate children. This too is an obvious reason for possible short falls in the current system. There is another possibility, however, that does not get discussed as often publicly. I have wondered how and why resources are acquired and distributed in school districts. There are just as many countless supplies as there are learning programs for every subject that cost millions of dollars from private corporate educational firms. Are all these programs equal in getting results? School districts like to affirm educational “best practices” and have the flexibility to acquire and invest in resources to help their student population. Even with the public funding, many school districts still fall short. So where is the vast majority of tax dollars going? Are tax payers getting the return on investment (ROI) expected? In education, ROI can be measured in terms of student academic achievement, productivity, and testing. The money is most definitely not going to teacher salaries and benefits which tend to be the lowest in comparison to other college educated professionals.
I obviously do not have the answers to many of my questions. Something has been said somewhere and perhaps there is simply a lack of accountability and oversight in the current public school system. There is not one private corporate entity that would allow year after year losses (poor test scores etc). Why is it tolerated in public education? Comparing public and private schools is vastly different. Private schools tend to provide an overall higher quality education for students whose parents can afford them. Even if the parental and student body have a stereotypically higher economic status, and presumably more enthusiasm for education, it still doesn’t totally explain the educational gap. Research has shown that private and charter schools have much more enrollment flexibility than public schools, and often select students who are academically gifted and above level (cherry picking the best and brightest students). National experts also continuously raise the alarm about the impact that poverty has on young children and families including the educational gap. Is anyone listening???
To unveil the unknowns in education, I would advocate that we start at the top of the $$$ food chain, its distribution, and monitor how the money flows and to whom. Who’s profiting the most and why? It is clearly not our children and teachers. We need to fix the public school system and demand measurable outcomes and results from EVERYONE connected to this food chain including corporate educational suppliers. We need to focus on poverty and incorporate strategies to increase parental self sufficiency, both financial and overall wellness, not just focus on temporary solutions. We should increase teacher compensation and benefits to recruit and retain the best and brightest to the profession commiserate with other college educated professionals. These servant leaders do not currently get the respect, prestige, and compensation warranted for the critical role they provide in our society. We should also have leadership who possess both an public education and business background (non-negotiable).
On a side note … A successful tech savvy business friend recently described his ongoing debate with a family member in public education. He advocates the need for educational theory to match the practical real world needs (boots on the ground not just idealism.) His belief is that the current system is like an electrical box that has has countless upgrades (best practices, education learning models and programs etc) but no one ever goes in to completely strip away the outdated and harmful connections to make sure the box is left in clear, working order. Where are the local and national inspectors who look inside to check the connections to ensure everything is working at the highest, performance level? Maybe his analogy is not quite comparable but the visual image definitely resonates.
Something’s been said in the educational system. Are you willing to follow the $$$ to learn more about what is happening in your community?
So far on this blogging journey, I have shared some insight on issues related to colorism and self hate – – prevalent in the black community. Whether you agree or disagree, it is worth researching for yourself and perhaps doing a little soul searching, self evaluation, and metacognition to see if anything applies to you. Can spirituality alone cure personal, family, and generational trauma? Following several insightful conversations over the years with family and others, it is apparent to me that many people believe that their core belief in a higher power (spiritual connection) can cure and heal these issues completely. I have observed others and witnessed their challenges and attempts at healing from very difficult circumstances. Many have seemingly healed surface scars but were often changed and permanently damaged from the experience. This outcome is tragically expected and accepted but why is this so?
First, healing is a process. It takes clear intention, time, energy, and effort to release hurts and wounds. The tendency to cover up, hide yo crazy, and move on from past regrets and trauma is much too easy an option. I completely get it (guilty as charged) but this strategy only provides a bandaid in the healing process. It is time to face the person in the mirror and tell the truth about your experience – – confront fear or shame, share pain, and grieve or express raw emotions. The old cliche that “time heals all wounds” is only partially true.
Second, people often miss the lesson of the experience and refuse to take accountability for their part in the issue. As adults, we are all willing participants in the drama of our lives but we don’t necessarily see the familial patterns of disfunction and trauma. Why did you attract this experience into your life? What does it have to teach you about self? If you want to get to the root of the problem, one must look clearly at ALL of it with honesty, compassion, and a desire to understand and learn. For many people, it is far easier to cast the blame entirely on someone else, choosing to remain in a state of victimhood, or play possum and pretend that everything is fine. Yes, there are legitimate victims, particularly crimes against women and innocent children, but we are talking about healing now. If healing is the goal, the approach must be more comprehensive.
Third, spirituality alone will not heal all our past traumas. We have been collectively taught that faith without works means nothing. Divine spirit is most definitely able to change and direct our fate in life but will also require us to do the necessary work. Strategic actions are required often beckoning us to seek help and incorporate healing modalities to advance you in your journey. What do I mean by healing modalities? I am a proponent of incorporating other options such as therapy or counseling, yoga, movement and art therapy, meditation, etc. to help you to understand your core self and to heal many issues that may actually go back to childhood. It can be scary to face your true authentic self as the divine sees you, not the victimized person. You were born with the opportunity to express the best and highest version of you. This magnificent YOU will share where you have been hurt, failed, or not lived up to your best potential if you will only listen to the quiet voice. It will help you to courageously face and forgive your greatest fears, shame and guilt. I personally hate when my authentic self chastises me. She definitely can be brutally honest. Get ready for it – – hard & black, no chaser! Ouch!!@@!%#$@
Why am I talking about all this as it relates to Pretty For A Black Girl? Up until now, I haven’t shared my deeply held spiritual beliefs and connection. There most definitely will always be a place for divine guidance and intervention in our life’s journey but it is time for us, the collective, to own and remove the false identity MASK. I’s healed (or at least I’m better than I used to be). Are you ready to do the same in 2020? Freedom awaits while the authentic YOU waits for an internal alarm to sound saying “My Luv, it is time to remove the mask”.
In these modern times, I have been shocked and often saddened by the state of past relationships. Recently, new reports have been focusing on Meghan Markle and Prince Harry, also known as the Duke & Duchess of Sussex, choosing to abdicate their official position within the British Royal family. The DIS-loyal-ROYALS seemingly planned, plotted and strategized their exit unbeknownst to the Queen of England. The drama of it all has sparked international debate and commentary as we all watch from the sidelines. As outsiders, we can only speculate on their internal family issues. Something clearly has been said! They are obviously not exempt from family disfunction, just like the rest of us, and we’ve become gossips, avoiding our own family issues. Truth be told … I’m guilty as well.
My intention now is not to publicly speculate or argue any point on a family clearly imploding (I’ve already done that privately with my Tribe). I simply want to state the obvious which is relationships of all kinds can be very difficult with unexpected challenges. Who is right or wrong? Loyalty, just like beauty, is often in the eyes of the beholder as well. Perhaps both sides are at fault to some degree depending on the experiences, interests and moral compass of each party. Everyone has some accountability on the conflict simmering hotly below the surface. This is definitely true from my life experiences and observations. Whatever happens in the future will be determined by the resolve of all parties to agree to come together which is probably the hardest part about reconciliation especially if ego, pride, jealousy, control issues, hidden agendas, or one of the “ism” is involved (racism, sexism, narcissism, etc).
Let me now state emphatically that there can be definitive high or low vibrational actions in any situation. Moral high ground is not to be taken lightly. All intentions and actions do have consequences resulting in positive or negative outcomes (reap what you sow).
If our relationships are too difficult to resolve, perhaps we should just focus on clearing our own issues first. After all, we are willing participants in the drama. What is your role and what does it have to teach you about yourself, and others? Are you living up to your highest potential as a human? We seemingly have lowered our moral compass to elevate Buckery (yes, I actually mean the word you’re thinking) over substantive people and situations. Our society – – as humans – – is in trouble.
We over value superficial, flashy material possessions, clout chasing, as though these things give us self worth and importance.
We value “Thotianas” or 304’s (translate backwards) over real, natural authentic girls and women with morals and flaws.
We value the right to carry guns over basic human safety and refuse to enact clear limits and protections.
We value all things beauty that help women to become plastic and inauthentic in appearance and personality (weave, eyelashes, cosmetic procedures, Kardashian speech inflection, etc). No, I’m not against women improving themselves but we have definitely gone to extremes.
We still think kindness is a weakness and play the win at all cost game.
We cannot see our common humanity and still devalue the lives of black boys and men.
Women have to fight for equal rights and the ability to just say N-O without further explanation or excuses.
We value and elevate narcissists over genuine, healthy humans with boundaries, and character.
I could go on and on because it has definitely become harder to find people who are genuine, honest, with morals (spiritual not religious), values, integrity, self sufficient (not codependent), and above all else loyal!!! Is anyone looking for people with these qualities? Do we even possess them personally? When did these character traits become devalued and obsolete? It definitely did not happen over night. What role do the indoctrination systems (familial and educational) have in shaping the cultural identity of its citizenry? Who is to blame for the DIS-loyalty we show ourselves and our relationships. Does anyone besides me even want them to return?
Hit me up, with a something’s been said Amen, if you feel the same way. I will definitely receive the vibes.
Loyal comes from the Old French word loial which means something like “legal”. If someone is only loyal to you because the law requires them to be, that’s not authentic loyalty, which should come from the heart – – not contractually bound.
Was I born to teach or naw? If you look at my limited teaching experience the answer would be “that’s a no for me dog” as former American Idol judge Randy Jackson is known for saying. The potential was definitely there, or at least I was told that I had the gift, but I also lacked the desire or commitment to withstand some of the realities of the profession. There is a widely held belief that really good teachers are born that way. The general public would say good teachers are both skilled and passionate about education and children. Teachers will say that educating children was their professional desire from birth. The inherent altruistic perception of a teacher is further cemented in both the minds of the teacher and the public.
From my observation, these two idealistic viewpoints don’t connect to the reality of teaching. It is true that most really good teachers are passionate and care deeply about educating children. A master teacher is almost like a “ghost whisperer” in terms of their ability to inspire, motivate, and steer young minds during a learning episode. I’ve observed many teachers informally, and during my student teaching, who demonstrated this kind of mastery and excellence. It is both impressive and inspiring to witness! But these platitudes do not fully capture how one becomes a master teacher.
In reality, the educational process including student teaching is crucial to any educator’s foundation and career. But it is only the beginning. Similar to other professions, educators must complete their rigorous formal education and student internship to gain hands-on experience. Depending on your student placement for the internship, students begin to feel the realities of preparing differentiated lesson plans, assessments, evaluations, school politics, parental and administrative expectations. Notice, I did not mention that teachers have to gain an understanding of the diverse student population and their specific learning needs as well as develop skills to manage the different characters in the group. Therefore, the student teaching experience is critical in terms of initial preparation for the job and should offer the absolute best in terms of training. Depending on your placement, this may not necessarily be the case.
During my student teaching experience, I heard stories about mistreatment and hazing in different school environments including a fellow student teacher being asked to leave the school before the end of her assignment through no fault of her own. She allegedly offended her cooperating mentor teacher but based upon my interaction with this 4.0 student, I could not imagine her doing anything so offensive. Fellow students sharing some of their student teaching experiences sent a sort of shock wave through the student body because we all feared experiencing the same thing.
From my experience, one can generally expect a baseline of on-the-job training in other professional industries whether hospital, bank, grocery store etc. The initial experience of most first year student teachers is one of absolute drowning – – in work, preparation, and school expectations – – all unknown elements to a newbie student teacher. It often creates the perfect storm to generate intense bouts of emotional carnage i.e. nervousness, crying, exhaustion, and absolute sadness. Yet they still have to maintain a certain cheerfulness and calmness in front of the primary audience – – children under their care and their supervising teachers. Student teachers across the nation perform this important work happily while often times secretly hiding their inner frustration.
As a student teacher, I was paired with a very dynamic, master teacher. We initially formed a great collaborative team until I questioned why another student was given access to information that I did not receive. There was no argument … just a matter of fact statement. This proved to be a big mistake because it altered our relationship. She felt challenged, and exercised her authority more in terms of not giving me additional opportunities. I felt trapped because I could not exercise my voice to raise questions if I wanted to graduate. She also may have tarnished my reputation within the school setting creating a hostile work environment including with my principal whom I admired tremendously. Complaining or quitting was not an option so I pretended not to notice and endured the isolation and circumstances making the best out of it, trying to learn as much as possible. Upon graduation, I was so grateful to finish but I also felt bullied … as an adult. Wow! Adult work place bullies really do exist folks.
My first year teaching wasn’t much better. I had regained my hopefulness after graduation but my idealism was soon completely zapped. The rigors of the profession are undeniable. The learning curve is huge, and you may not necessarily get the support. In addition to the administrative and parental expectations, one is expected to prepare young minds using an unfamiliar curriculum and resources with proficiency. In my case, I was assigned a disproportionate number of special needs children in an environment not conducive for movement and space. We all felt claustrophobic, and uncomfortable at times but made the best of it. Some would say that I experienced a kind of “new teacher hazing” where the ratio of male to female students is not normally assigned. Perhaps with more experience, none of the above circumstances would have mattered but it matters a lot for a first year teacher. I was eventually assigned an excellent mentor after making the request but she lived in another state and could not advise or support my day-to-day questions. A few parents of students with the most challenging behavioral and learning needs (but lovable children) decided to talk to the principal instead of me directly as the teacher. My school administration did not include my perspective or documentation which felt very undermining. Eventually, my grade level chair decided to un-couple our entire team collaboration process which meant all formal support was dismantled. Did I also mention, I worked 12-hour days, did not get a classroom assistant, bathroom breaks, opportunity to consistently eat lunch, etc. At this point, all hope for success was lost.
What is my point in sharing this information? Well, I do not want sympathy. Remember, I admit that after my previous work place experiences, teaching full-time in the current system is not for me. I am sharing it with you to say that since I worked professionally for over 20 years in both the private and public sectors, this experience in education is unusual. One generally works hard in the private sector, often long and unthankful hours, but you can get basic human rights i.e. eat, restroom breaks, a minute to regroup, etc. Classroom teachers are “ON” the entire time when they arrive at school. They have to maintain the calm demeanor for the sake of the innocent student body even if they personally are not ok. How many times a day do other professionals get to take a quick break which allows them to regroup before continuing their work?
At this point, I would suggest that to produce the best teachers we need to respect their humanity in terms of work conditions as well as expertise. Many other countries do not just pay lip service to the value of teachers but demonstrate their belief by the esteem bestowed upon them, work environment, and compensation. We need to protect student teachers so that they are partnered with individuals who are not only great teachers but mentors who show mutual respect and support allowing questions and disagreements in a healthy way – – No bullies need apply. Quality mentorship is a necessity but only if the mentor is able to coach and advise adults leading by example as role models.
Becoming a master teacher is not easy. Quality and consistent training is necessary as well as having a passion for the job along with empathy. Most teachers are lifelong learners themselves, choosing to continue to grow and evolve for the sake of helping children. In addition, teachers are evaluated ad nauseam throughout the year by their principal and most critically by every parent or guardian who deserves and demands the best for their children. Believe me, master teachers earn the title – – and should receive the R-E-S-P-E-C-T in both acknowledgement and rewards professionally and personally.
As we approach the end of the year, roaring towards 2020, people across the globe begin to think about New Year’s resolutions. They develop goals ranging from losing weight, eating healthier, finding a new job, starting a business, and to gaining some new prized, material possession. Many believe that achieving these goals will help them to feel better about themselves generally and their lives in the years to come.
I once held the same belief and would diligently identify a list of goals. Curious enough, my personal list was very similar each year unveiling my unexplainable desires, yearnings, and beliefs that happiness was indeed based upon perfection and the amount of external trophies and accomplishments, outside of myself, that I could acquire. Was I ever any closer to Nirvana, Utopia, the promised land? Not really. It was always short lived with temporary victories. The years also came with lots of trials, losses, disappointments, failures, and regrets. I didn’t plan on the mistakes I would make along the way either.
So, what are my goals for 2020? Nothing. I simply want to maintain a state of gratitude and happiness which means nothing outside of being a better human – – and perhaps better version of my authentic self. For anyone who might not understand what I mean by authenticity, this means that inspiration (being myself) is the best form of flattery – – not imitation (someone else). I am also grateful for everyone and everything in my life right now. This does not mean that I do not have challenges, trials, and general goals. It is just that I have learned to be content with whatever state of existence is present in my life. Happiness is a state of being not based on people, places, things, or experiences being, doing, or saying exactly what we envision. For me, it comes from completely knowing, loving, accepting, forgiving, and respecting who and what I am – – strengths, flaws and all. Happiness is being the best human that I can be, evolving and growing from each life experience.
So, thank you to everyone along my path. To my soul tribe, you support, inspire, encourage, and challenge me to be my personal best. Thank you for reminding me to always stand in integrity and truth and for challenging me directly to my face with the purest intent for my greatest good. We have friendship accountability which is invaluable. You honored the integrity of our social contract. You are irreplaceable!
To all others, I wish you blessings and happiness on your journey. I would not be who I am today without your contributions. “Bless your heart,” as Southerners are known to say.
With gratitude, I am ending this year with peace of mind, body, and spirit. I am loving and loved by those who really know me. So my only goal for 2020 is that everyone and everything continues to bless me by divine right and in divine order. Whether you come bearing positive or negative vibes, energy, and intent, I will use your lessons to continue evolving, improving, and growing into a better human. I am on the edge of happiness – – peaceful bliss in fact. In my 3ACT, I just want more happy days than not. And so it is as 2020 emerges … from the ruins …and shadows.
“Better to die fighting for freedom then be a prisoner all the days of your life.”
― Bob Marley
“The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud.”
― Coco Chanel
“The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.”
3ACTunveiled 